Am I Still A Liberal?

Wondering where I stand in today's political climate

I’m confused, as a lot of us are right now, about where I stand politically. When I was a teenager I thought politics was pretty cut and dry: liberals to the left, conservatives to the right, and together we make a pretty good society.

I spent nine years at a Quaker school growing up, educated by teachers and administrators, even coaches, who seemed to support Quaker values like equality and mutual respect. I saw educators with Public Radio bumper stickers on their cars and was encouraged to immerse myself in the arts, whether I pursued them myself or not.

It was pointed out to me that Quakers led the abolitionist and suffragist movements before and after the civil war and that made me proud. I wanted to be someone who stood up for the marginalized and mistreated. I still do.

But today I’m not always sure who that is.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to a locally owned, independent bookstore. I was looking forward to supporting this small business, especially since mom-and-pop bookstores are so rare these days. When I walked in I could see that the owners are either LGBTQ themselves or supportive of the community, which made me feel at home.

We went there looking for socks, not books. My girlfriend had seen some a few weeks ago. She thought they would make good gifts for her nieces and nephew who we’re going to see next week. But what we saw surprised us both. Sure enough, there was a rack of socks right as you walked in the door. Next to that were shelves of merch: coffee mugs, journals, bookmarks, stickers. Lots of great gift ideas.

In fact, there were socks on just about every bookshelf throughout the store, most of them with witty sayings on them like, “Are you overthinking what I’m overthinking?” But what we noticed more than anything else was how much of the merchandise had the ‘F’ word on them. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it was a lot of F-bombs. Some of what I read I don’t think I’ll repeat, not because I’m proper (please, I talk like a truck driver) but because my tastes have changed over the years.

My teenage self would have thought the merchandise in this bookstore was hilarious. All that debase profanity would have made me want to hang out there, maybe even make it my exclusive ‘spot’. It reminded me of trying to sneak into Spencer Gifts back in the 80’s. But in my 50’s it doesn’t seem so hilarious. In fact, it seems a little immature.

This morning I saw a social media post by a local LGBTQ advocate. Apparently, a customer of the bookstore had given it a one-star review on Google along with an explanation: He had taken his kids there to peruse the large section of children’s books and both he and his children were taken aback by all the profanity-laced merchandise. Unlike me though, this reviewer assumed that the profanity they saw is part of LGBTQ visibility and inclusivity.

Needless to say both the LGBTQ advocate and the bookstore owner reamed this guy for being a homophobe. It’s ‘people like him’ that make it so difficult for ‘people like us’ to find safe spaces and to feel like we belong in society. He and his ‘closed mind’ and ‘lack of acceptance’ are what keep people marginalized and mistreated.

I found myself wanting to shrink away and walk on by with my head down. I do not want to get into a public dispute about socks that say “I give good blow jobs” or “Zero fucks given” (there, I said it). But at the same time I’m looking at my community thinking, [Hand on forehead] ‘Come one y’all’.

I did not find the reviewer to be attacking the LGBTQ community but simply going public with his disapproval of the non-family-friendly vibe of the bookstore. I understand that for many LGBTQ folks they want to be able to exist in the world without being shamed or threatened. I want that too. But what about when being ‘out and proud’ for one person feels shaming and threatening for someone else?

I have very mixed feelings when it comes to human sexuality and how we address it as a society. On one hand I believe in freedom of expression. I do not want to force people to live in shame or secrecy. That is no way to live. And I don’t think there is any reason we can’t live in a sex-positive society, learn to have tough conversations, and offer age appropriate education.

But on the other hand, girls, for example, are often sexualized way before they’re ready and then given no help navigating it. If they’re sexually responsive to the attention then they’re slut-shamed, and if they end up pregnant they’re punished and denied healthcare and choice. So although I believe in freedom of expression I also believe in boundaries, and this may be where we just can’t get a consensus.

So who in society is marginalized and mistreated these days? Is the problem ‘them’ rather than ‘us’? Or is the problem me? Is it always up to me to ask myself ‘how can I make someone else feel safer’? How can I try and understand someone else?

Could this father have had a conversation in the car with his kids and helped them navigate the experience they had? Could the bookstore owner create an ‘adult’ section? I don’t have the answers for them. I only have the answers for myself. The merch was not my cup of tea. But so what. I am not a gay man. I am a lesbian with a history of being sexualized and made to feel ashamed for even thinking of adopting a male attitude toward sex. That is my predicament. It is the foundational story of my life.

I would like nothing more than to know where I stand politically and who I stand with, but those days may be coming to an end. If we’re all fixated on our own pain and our own obstacles then how do we ever stop fighting? I got some sage advice a while back that seems to be helping make my life more manageable: keep the focus on myself and to stop fixating on others. The only thing I can control is what I bring to the table. My contribution to my family, to my community, and to my society is where my personal power is. Telling others what their contribution should be will only create conflict.